IBM Closes Jew-Tracking Division After Decades Of Declining Revenue

ARMONK, NY: Describing the department as "an inefficient relic of the past that the company has overcome," IBM announced the closure of its Jewish tracking division on Thursday, citing decades of declining revenue.

"While the division was a model of demographic research and data collection in the 1930s, when it represented a formidable percentage of overall profits, tracking Jews has been a loss leader for decades. We are forced to put aside the feeling and make the difficult but necessary decision to close it, "he read in part in an IBM press release, clarifying that the branch responsible for tracking the names, whereabouts and political ideologies of European Jews It was nothing more. That a division bequeathed.

"We look back on our role to provide and manage the database of occupied Europe with satisfaction for a job well done, but with today's self-declared Jews in social networks, we must admit that the world has advanced."

In a related report, Hugo Boss announced that they were discontinuing their 80-year line of wide-necked black coveralls with large lapels, citing an industry-wide trend to move away from heavyweight leather outer clothing.